What’s love got to do with it? As the great Tina Turner would belt it out, or what drove Romeo to sacrifice himself for Juliet? Love. It would seem as if romantic love has been the subject of songs, poetry, novels, and movies for centuries. Can we explain it scientifically?
In ancient times and in many parts of the world, historical, cultural, and even evolutionary evidence suggests love existed. One study found romantic love in 147 out of 166 cultures examined.
Love is complex due to its variability and ebb and flow over time, as well as how different people experience it.
Love, or ‘in love’?
The last 50 years have seen numerous studies in psychology which examined the differences between liking someone, loving someone and being in love.
According to Webster’s dictionary, liking is having positive feelings and thoughts towards someone, as well as enjoying their company. It is also often associated with warmth and closeness. Sometimes we can choose to feel emotional closeness with these people.
Our thoughts and experiences about someone who we love are the same as those of someone we like. The person is also felt to be committed to us and we feel a deep sense of care.
It is also important to include feelings of sexual arousal and attraction in being “in love.” Research has shown that different people have differing opinions about love.
Loving passionately versus loving compassionately
There are two types of romantic love: passionate love and compassionate love. Whether heterosexual or same sex, most romantic relationships comprise of both components.
People typically refer to being “in love” as passionate love. It is characterized by intense longing and feelings of passion, to the point where they might consider themselves wanting to be “in their arms” as most people interviewed would state.
Companion love is the second part. The feeling is not as intense, yet it is complex and involves feelings of emotional intimacy and commitment coupled with affection towards a person.
Over time, how does love change?
Many studies that have examined the changes in romantic love over time find that while passion is high at the beginning of a relationship, we find that it diminishes over time.
This is due to a variety of reasons.
As a couple learns and becomes more confident about their relationship, routines begin to develop. There can also be a decline in the frequency of sexual activities as well as the possibility of experiencing novelty and excitement. These factors can lead to a decline in passionate love.
It is reported that 20-40% of couples experience a reduction in passionate love, but many studies do not find this to be the case. In marriages over ten years, couples are likely to experience the steepest decline during the second decade.
It can also be difficult to experience passion due to life events or transitions. Compelling responsibilities affect people’s energy and reduce their ability to pursue their passions. Parenthood is a prime example of this.
Companion love, on the other hand, tends to grow over time.
Even though most romantic relationships are characterized by both passionate and companionate love, it is the absence or reduction of companionate love that impacts a relationship’s longevity more than passionate love.
Love is a wonderful thing, but what’s its purpose?
People are bonded by love and remain committed to one another. Not sure if it is a miracle only existing for the non-faint. Or if it comes in many forms, shapes, and sizes. If you’re solely a science person the reason for the evolution of love, on a psychological level, is to keep the parents of children together for as long as it takes them to grow up to reach the stage of sexual maturity. Love binds people together and brings division amongst the world’s people. What is it with this unseen factor, this force? One thing is for sure if you find it cherish it.
Citations.
says:, M. J. M., Says:, L. E., says:, K., says:, P. B., says:, F., says:, E. L., says:, E. D., Says:, S. B., says:, A. H. E., says:, C. P., says:, J. P., says:, S., says:, A. girl, says:, B. M., says:, D. B. A. C. A. Y., says:, P. N. P., says:, B. girl, says:, A. E., Says:, K., … *, N. (2020, June 19). Love, actually: The science behind lust, attraction, and companionship. Science in the News. Retrieved June 26, 2022, from https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/
Watson, S. (2021, July 20). Oxytocin: The love hormone. Harvard Health. Retrieved June 26, 2022, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone
Role of love in relationship satisfaction – researchgate. (n.d.). Retrieved June 26, 2022, from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/318900366_Role_of_Love_in_Relationship_Satisfaction
Jonathon M. Poe 